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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28172793">The Dangers of Eggnog</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieL/pseuds/EllieL'>EllieL</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Snapemas &amp; Snolidays 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drinking, Eggnog, F/M, Hogwarts, Humor, Professors, Secret Relationship, staff party</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:49:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28172793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieL/pseuds/EllieL</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knew the eggnog was dangerous, and had been since Minerva McGonagall joined the staff. But Severus came prepared.</p>
<p>For the Snolidays prompts of eggnog and staff party.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Snapemas &amp; Snolidays 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Dangers of Eggnog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everyone knew the eggnog was dangerous, and had been since Minerva McGonagall joined the staff. And since she’s become Headmistress, there was no one with the authority to oppose her mixing it up just as she wished; it seemed every year, the portion of her brother’s best whisky became more generous.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Severus came prepared, armed with a dozen vials of SoberUp and more experience than most of the younger staff with Minerva’s idea of a holiday staff party. Since it also signaled the end of the semester and a break from the students, it often left more than one staff member passed out on the table. What happened to them after that was really not his problem. If he was feeling generous, he would sometimes leave them a SoberUp in their pocket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes it only </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked</span>
  </em>
  <span> like SoberUp.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had warned Hermione, who’d then taken it upon herself to warn a few of the other newer professors. And yet that didn’t seem to stop any of them from crowding around the punch bowl, where Professor Campbell was already on his third glass. Well, he was Scottish, perhaps he’d fare better than others had. Severus huffed a quiet laugh at the memory of Gilderoy Lockhart, many years ago, after four glasses of the stuff.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” Hermione appeared at his side, just far enough apart to be appropriate and not at all suspicious at the staff party, and offered him a cup of the eggnog. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He glared down at the dainty holly-painted cup, before taking an exploratory sip. Definitely at least half whisky, strong enough to burn his throat. “The year Lockhart had four glasses of this and ended up dancing on the staff table, before passing out half-naked on it.” He had </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> been left SoberUp.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The look on her face—a wide-eyed mixture of amused and horrified—nearly made him truly laugh. That would certainly not do in public, so he scowled instead. “It was a most appalling display.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure we’re going to fare much better this year.” She took a cautious sip of her eggnog while pointing one finger toward the gaggle around the punch bowl. Campbell was gesticulating wildly, while Professor Logan was, for some inexplicable reason, spinning in a circle while staring up at the ceiling, tottering on ridiculously high green heels that had clearly not been charmed for stability. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Three rotations later, over she went, taking out poor Poppy Pomfrey, whose shoe somehow flew off and landed in the punch bowl.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All right, perhaps at that it was fair to allow himself to publicly smirk. Hermione actually giggled, then looked warily down at her own cup. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have no fear, I brought SoberUp with me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps you should offer—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, no, it’s far too early for that. This is shaping up to be one of the better years.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a ruckus across the room, as Poppy sputtered over her noggy shoe, and Logan struggled to right herself. Campbell started to come to her rescue, then fell over himself, knocking Poppy’s shoe out of her hand and back into the eggnog.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Poppy shrieked loudly enough to draw Minerva’s attention to the scene.  “What is going on over there?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rumbling from that side of the room didn’t sound at all auspicious, but everyone did manage to make it to their feet, and replace their footwear. They all looked like chastened students, but began refilling their cups, and offered one to Poppy, who took it after Logan charmed her shoe dry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hermione shook her head, and took another minuscule sip. “How can they drink multiple cups of this?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no idea. I’ve offered to make a spice mix for a nice mulled wine, but Minerva refuses anything but the eggnog. Says it’s not Christmas without it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is she trying to get staff members fired?” She watched the group across the room again, as Campbell tried to entice Poppy to dance, rather more lewdly than she would have expected from the normally reserved DADA Professor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What happens at the staff party stays at the staff party. No one has ever been fired, even Lockhart, much to my chagrin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Campbell and Pomfrey began something resembling a dance, Flitwick waved his wand at the wireless, raising the volume on the holiday warbling of Celestina Warbeck nearly overwhelmed the ability to converse. The Charms professor then put down his cup of eggnog and offered a hand to Professor Logan, who picked up the startled man and began spinning about the room with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” drawled Hermione, taking this all in with a raised eyebrow that made her and Severus look much like a matched set. Then she turned to him with a wicked grin. “So we could probably dance, and no one would care. Half of them won’t even remember tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked between her and the drunken excuse for dancing in the middle of the room with a frown, then back to her hopeful face. This thing between them was still new, and they’d managed to keep it to themselves while working it out between them this semester. Though he’d prefer to keep it that way, right up until the point he’d publicly marry her, she deserved a dance, surely. And he did want to dance with her, just not in front of this ridiculous room full of drunken gossips; Minerva at least was still sober enough that she would remember, and regale Poppy and Pomona with tales of it tomorrow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unless.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked down at the cups of eggnog again, and vanished the contents. “Go refill these first.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looked up at him and grinned, before sauntering back across the room. There was definitely some Slytherin in the woman, and he appreciated every bit of it. He watched as she deliberately chatted with Minerva while refilling their cups generously full of plausible deniability. Then she made her way back over to him, stumbling just a bit as she made her way between the professors making a mockery of dance, though she winked at him as she did so.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she returned to his side, she’d already vanished half of their cups. They clinked their drinks together and each took a small sip, though they made it look much deeper drink. Then he vanished the rest of the vile beverage, and refilled the cups with a simple aguamenti. They drank the water at a moderate pace, long enough to be snickering over the dance moves on display from half the staff. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Only when they finished their cups of water did the cast sly glances at one another. Hermione turned and reached out her hand, backing towards the makeshift dance floor, as if trying to summon him. Severus put on his best scowl, and practically growled at her. To anyone else there, it might have seemed menacing, but to her it was enticing, and she stepped back towards him, shaking her head and putting a hand on his arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking his head again, he made a great show of his reluctance, before letting her tug at him a bit. He took one lurching step towards her, allowing her to stumble back as he came along with her. One hand on her forearm, he twisted his grip, pulling her back towards him, and she came with another stumble, almost crashing into him. It was not an unpleasant sensation, and she giggled a bit as her hands settled momentarily on his chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then she seemed to remember where they were. With a shake of her head, she stepped back, but began to move along with the terrible holiday music. He stood, scowling, for two beats, before being seemingly reluctantly drawn in, hands coming to rest on her shoulder and her waist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once they actually began to dance, though, it became difficult to remember themselves, even for him. He enjoyed the feel of her in his arms, her easy synchronous movement with him around the little cleared dancefloor. Colleagues bumbled into them a time or six, including Campbell trying to cut in; he stopped that with a completely unnoticed tripping jinx. The man had really made it too easy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Campbell lay on the floor, giggling as a splatter of eggnog stained his ostentatious gold robes in a most revolting fashion, everyone else continued to dance around him. Severus looked down disdainfully, and even Hermione rolled her eyes. Minerva seemed oblivious to the antics of her staff as she sat drinking a cup of eggnog with Hagrid, who was drinking not from a teacup but a tankard; the half-giant could hold his liquor better than anyone else on staff.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Logan poorly levitated Campbell over to one of the couches, they somehow both collapsed onto it, flipping it over backwards and breaking it. That was enough to stop the merriment on the dance floor. Flitwick lowered the music and set to work on the couch, as Poppy went to check on the intoxicated coworkers. The couch was quickly righted, but the repairs didn’t quite match up to the older wizard’s usual impeccable work; one of the legs looked more like a horse’s than a couch, and the back was now set at an odd angle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we go now?” Hermione looked back and up at him, a half-pleading look on her face, before turning to wave a hand at where Poppy was fixing Logan’s arm, which was bent at a highly unnatural angle. “Before anything worse happens?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Certainly. Let me put an end to this, then follow in a few minutes.” He frowned down at her, appearing outwardly frustrated, then reached into his robes and turned to the group, vials in hand and robes billowing. “Here you drunken dunderheads.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Campbell actually jumped at being addressed, but half the staff reached eagerly for the offered vials, downing them without question. He almost wished he’d put something other that SoberUp in them, just to see the results when a bunch of already-drunk people suddenly had hair of holly or became candy-cane striped. Next year, perhaps.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, he whirled on Minerva, pointing at her nearly-empty cup of eggnog. “This is why you should have me make mulled wine instead of that dreck.” Then he marched out of the room without a look back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was much mumbling and grumbling from the remaining staff, who began snagging biscuits and candies, and dispersing. Hermione smiled at Pomona as she picked up a gingerbread man, nibbling on the leg as she slipped from the room, unnoticed by her colleagues. She checked the hallway twice, before taking the stairs down to the dungeons.</span>
</p>
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